time_flysbye

Today was a fun day. It was toga day in school and I was the only one wearing purple, the color of royalty hehe. Anyways, I've been a lot happier lately. Besides the fact that Joe is being oober nice to me and just treating me unbelievably, heather and I have been hanging out so much and I adore it. Yesterday we went to friendlys and then before that we went out easy pumpkin/apple picking with Megan, and we also went to party city and cedarhurst paper and tried on costumes and wigs. Lol. It was so much fun. It's good t have my other half back. Marissa, I don't know what to say about her. She cuts her class to come "see me" at lunch, meanwhile she comes, sits at my table and ignores me the whole time to talk to these sophmores. And she also gets upset when I don't hang out with her, but I ask her all the time and she always turns me down. I love her with all mmy heart, but she tells me she's moving to Mexico and she doesn't make any attempt to make more memories with me nor Heather. It hurt's. It hurt's a lot. I already lost Emma, almost Heather, and now Marissa? I must have bad luck with friends. But hopefully now that Heather and me are hanging out again she can introduce me to her friends. I became a part of her group of friends yesterday $BB. Even though I didn't meet all of the girls yet. She talks good about them so I'm not worried all that much. She makes me feel good. The good I haven't felt in a while and I'm happy that I feel this way again. I missed it. I watched the movie Thirteen last night and I cried my eyes out. Thinking about the shit I used to do. Cutting and shit, and I just broke down. I remember the day that Emma walked into Gym and showed me her arms. It was a nightmare. Watching that movie, brought back so many memories. I smiled afterwards though. Knowing that I'm not like that anymore makes me happy and proud of myself. There were so many times that I wanted to cut and shit but I thought about everyone that cared about me and I knew that it would break there hearts to see me go down that path again. Well, hopefully life will get better now that Heather is back in it and now that Joe and me are doing great. I love him. A lot of people don't understand why. But they don't get what we been through and how our relationship works. But I guess it's none of their business and It doesn't matter what they think. Right? Right! Well I'm gonna go and try get on myspace again.

<3 Kristen

Today was excellent. I hung out with Heather and Mimi after school today. We basically sat at Subway till 6:30. haha. But I had so much fun. I miss hanging out with them so much. Tomorrow i'm hanging out with Max. Then i'm leaving to go upstate with my mom and Mrs. Molloy. I get to see Josh graduate from Jail lol. I know that sounds wierd. But I am very proud of him. Hmmm...yeah. Well today was definately great, but I didn't get to see Joe, which I guess made it suck. I don't know. I don't think that I will see him tomorrow either. He'll probably be sleeping all day, then he has class and work. So yeah, I don't know. It sucks. A lot. I think that cause he is working and goes to school, we're not going to see a lot of eachother anymore. And I think that it's going to tear us apart. But that's just my opinion. I hope that it doesn't happen though. I love him so much and I don't want something as stupid as that, break us up. Time is such a difficult thing. Hopefully, when I graduate, things will get better.We can move in together and hopefully get a place of our own and just do whatever from then on. Hopefully get married. Ya know. Depends, on him though. Mike says he is going to talk to him. But I don't want Joe getting mad at me. I don't know. AHH! I'm so depressed. I wanna be happy for once. I want Emma to be here too. I miss her, a whole lot. I wish she could have graduated with us. I don't know. I think that I'm going to go.

x<3

Well I had a good day yesterday. It was the first senior cut day of the year and I got my mom to sign me out of school. I went to satelite with Joe Joe and Nicki, and we had a good time. Then i went to friendlys with Heather and we met up with Paige and Diana. It was fun. Ya know. Then I got home and i hung out with my friend Max from boces. He's mad funny lol. We jus drove around and just hung out for a little bit. Then I came home and I fell asleep at 6:30. and woke up at 8:30 to give Joe his fuckin clothes. Then I went back to bed and didn't wake up until 9:30 today. I got my driving lesson at 11:30 and I don't even feel like doing that. I'm still depressed and me thinking that Joe is cheating on me isn't making me any better. It sucks when u find out your boyfriend is leaving other girls comments on how they forgot how good they look. Now, everyone wants me to break up with him. I don't know if I can. I love him. 3 1/2 years. It's been so long. I don't know about anything anymore, and it hurts. He's upstate right now until sunday i think, or monday? I'm not sure. I guess I just have to confront him about it and see what he says. Well, I think that i'm gonna go. I have to get dressed and get ready for my driving lesson. Wish me Luck.<3

Today I decided to create another live journal. I needed someplace to write and I guess here will have to do. Today was horrible, as was yesterday and the day before that and all the days before that. For some unknown reason, im depressed and I don't know why. Not depressed to the point where i'm cutting my wrists but depressed to the point where I want to cry from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. I don't know how to handle it, but I have been holding it in cause I don't wanna hurt anymore. I recently just stopped being friends with an old friend, again. and I gotta say that it hurt that she told my best friend that she can't care less. I wish that she was the old her, but I guess that's too much to ask of her, and I gotta live with it..without her. I'm happy that i'm still friends with Marissa though. She is like my life. But I heard that she is moving soon, so she says and that broke my heart. It seems that i'm losing everyone. Maybe thats what makes me so sad. But i do have people that care about me, don't get me wrong. My mom for one. She's amazing. She really is and I don't think that many people see how much she is. We became absolute best friends over the summer and I wouldn't change any of the memories we made for the world. She's the only person holding me together right now besides Joe, my boyfriend. Not as much as her but he's still there for me. 3 1/2 years this month actually we've been going on, and something has changed. I hate that. Everyone, everything has to change. I hate having to grow up and become someone new. Our relationship isn't the same anymore, but we're trying our hardest. It sucks that now he works with me at my job again. I mean, i'm happy that he has a job. But there's this girl that he flirts with and shes supposed to be my best friend and like, she flirts with him back RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. it hurts, but i guess i gotta deal with it right? I don't know. I'm feeling so many things and I have no one to talk to. I would talk to my mom but she just doesn't understand some things. I don't know. I guess i'll wait it out and see what happens... Hopefully something goof will happen to me. Soon.